var decap
//clearTimeout(decap)
//decap = setTimeout('decapitate()',100000);
function decapitate(){
document.getElementById('main').background='images/nohead.jpg';
}
// vars
var content, innercontent, head, tM, m=1
var topStuff = new Array('Official website of the Northeastern Snow Panda Association',
'And from that day on, he always sliced his muffins horizontally rather than vertically.',
'Stay tuned for even more completely irrelevant snippets')
// link rollovers
var count = new Array(4);
count[0] = 9;
count[1] = 9;
count[2] = 9;
count[3] = 9;
var i;
var time = new Array(4);
time[0] = '';
time[1] = '';
time[2] = '';
time[3] = '';
var direction = 0;
function fade(i,direction){
clearTimeout(time[i]);
if (direction == 0){
if(count[i] < 11){
count[i]+=.5
change(i,direction)
}
else{
clearTimeout(time[i]);
}
}
if (direction == 1){
if (count[i] > 0){
count[i]--
change(i,direction)
}
else{
clearTimeout(time[i]);
}
}
}
function change(i,direction){
document.getElementById('l' + i).style.MozOpacity = count[i]/10;
document.getElementById('l' + i).style.KhtmlOpacity = count[i]/10;
document.getElementById('l' + i).style.opacity = count[i]/10;
document.getElementById('l' + i).style.filter='alpha(opacity='+count[i]*10+')'
time[i] = setTimeout('fade(' + i + ', ' + direction + ')', 15);
}
// js links
var loadtext=""
function home(){
document.getElementById('content').innerHTML="\
Welcome
Welcome to the official website of NESPA.\
It\'s nice of you to swim on in! As you can see, this is clearly the most comprehensive\
spoketire-related information source in the world, and also the website \
with the highest water levels.
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Despite the claims to the contrary, we are not affiliated in any way with dirt bike companies. \
This is the final word on the matter, and it is no longer open to debate.
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Voting!
We all know that any good website has rigged polls, so Echen la casa por la ventana!
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Which piano keys sound better? \
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Which is harder to learn? \
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"
document.title="Spoketire - Home"
}
function sod(){
loadtext = "Symposium of Doom
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Hey now everybody »
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Habit
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Chex
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Free software
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Lead free
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Toothpuller
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Blue screen of death
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"
document.getElementById('content').innerHTML=loadtext
document.title="Spoketire - Symposium of Doom"
define()
}
function tennis(){
loadtext = "Tennis
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loadtext+= "
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loadtext+= "
Pick a racquet
"
loadtext+= "
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loadtext+= "
Tennis racquets »
"
loadtext+= "
Bronze Ace
"
loadtext+= "
Head iX3
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loadtext+= "
03 Hybrid Tour
"
loadtext+= "
03 Orange
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loadtext+= "
Peks R Green
"
document.getElementById('content').innerHTML=loadtext
document.title="Spoketire - Tennis"
define()
}
function contact(){
loadtext="Contact
If you have questions, suggestions, or find any errors in this website (other than the bogus information), feel free to email us.
We accept nearly all forms of monetary donations. We prefer cash in the form of euros via email, but PLEASE, NO GOLD BRICKS! We cannot accept these, although it is very generous. It is simply too hard on our email servers.
"
document.getElementById('content').innerHTML=loadtext
document.title="Spoketire - Contact"
}
function noSpam(o) {
sLogin = o.getAttribute("login");
sDomain = o.getAttribute("domain");
s = sLogin;
s += String.fromCharCode(64);
s += sDomain;
o.href = "mailto:" + s;
}
//sod stuff
function tooth(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Symposium of Doom - The Toothpuller"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Okay, it's not really a toothpuller, but that's what I call it. It is definitely the most useful tool I've found so far. You can pull up carpet with it, hammer nails in with it, screw screws with it, and you could probably even pull teeth with it if you wanted. Its power lies in the heavy metal it is made of, no doubt some kind of iron-gold alloy. That's why it is so effective in destroying just about anything. So if you need a job done, use the Toothpuller!
";
}
function blue(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Symposium of Doom - Blue Screen of Death"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Here's how you can turn your calculator screen blue. It's pretty sweet. It works for TI-83+/TI-84+/silver calculators.
Step 1: Send the following program to your calculator using whatever link software you have: blue.8xp
Step 2: Turn on your calc, and enter 'Asm(prgmBLUE).' Asm is found in the Catalog (2nd+0), and prgmBLUE will be in the program menu (PRGM).
Step 3: Press enter, do what the calc says, and enjoy the show. Once the screen is blue, don't wait more than a minute before you press a key. Otherwise you could wreck the screen.
Step 4: The screen will turn black. You'll need to change the contrast by pressing 2nd and then the down arrow briefly.
Here's a picture to prove that it actually works: What's that blue thing doing here? - 'Fingertips 13' by They Might Be Giants.
Warning: If you do this too much, you might permanently wreck your screen. Proceed at your own risk.
";
}
function lead(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Symposium of Doom - Lead Free"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
So, I was walking along one day, and I saw this roll of solder.
Immediately, I noticed that it was Lead Free, and I said to myself, \"Finally, I can feel safe while applying melting solder to my bedroom wall!\" So I set to work. I was dedicated, and it was evident through my craftsmanship.
But alas, just as I finished spelling out \"The Flying Nobleman\", I saw out of the corner of my eye the grim statement on the back of the solder roll:
I knew at once that the fun was all over.
"
}
function habit(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Habit and Princesses"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Note: this was written by a four year old.
A little girl... ha ha... was walking down the road but didn't know what to do for her party. And she thinked and thinked she didn't know what to do. The valley was so close to her that she just ran to the valley, but the valley was too far away and she had to walk and walk and walk and walk and walk and ran and ran and ran. That's the end.
How did her baby brother started crying. And the eye went on the ear. How did he have the wonderful eye, the beautiful eye, jumble eye, feather eye, valley eye? And all those eyes he had to put on his ear.
\"I have one more thing to tell,\" said the girl to the baby. \"You have to stay in your bed till the morning.\"
But he cried and laughed and laughed. The baby sister was crying. \"A mam a mam. A mam a mam.\" (It's my story. It's my story.) He had a bont to tell and talked the whole time.
And how could they have a lot of eyes for the baby? But the eye was only for the ear and listening to the baby cry. And softly, the little girl picked the sister up and used it back to sleep.
And how did the little boy put on so many ears? He put on how many blah blob blob things on his ear! And his mouth had copy, and the little girl went to tap that morning.
And the mommy taked care of the little baby, who was having the habit of crying that day. And have the idea of printing and printing and printing that day. And prettier and pretty and pretty and pr-eeee-tty. I depict how I like beautiful pumpkins and all the other ones. And how do they have the wonderful habits?
It was the end of the day and mom went to school to get the kids.
And the little girl said, \"Princess snow white had a snow white depicted, and it was giant! And how did the other princess taps go to the bally ball ball? And snow white didn't get to go. She was having little frogs and dragons over there. And didn't make any sound when the habit came up. And snow white got to the ball. But it was already started so she hurried and hurried and hurried. And they they were really habiting the bad. But the king was really tall and up to our house ceiling. And the queen was too. And the princess came and was habiting -- and that was a silly face!\"
\"Was that your gum?\"
\"And then they was habiting. Habiting means to have the habit of telling the truth and eating and eating when their time has more. And the princesses at the ball were very good with the kings and queens. And they really had the habit of dancing and dancing. Hardly, they were having the habit of going home. So they went back to their cream houses. They were very up to the sky.\"
The paper was flying up and up. It was hardly like a butterfly in the sky. It bodied up and flied back in their house by the river and the valley, and went by rather the river. And the paper butterfly went into the house and the princesses went back to the river and swam. They cleaned their washes and went back to the queens house.
And she said, \"Want some pancakes!\". . .the end, yeah.
"
}
function chex(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Symposium of Doom - Chex"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Hmmm...
"
}
function prgms(){
document.getElementById('head').innerHTML="Symposium of Doom - Free Software"
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Here are some good free programs that I use. I know there are tons of lists out there, but I know that you trust spoketire.com more than any of those people.
I promise that these are not stupid programs. I know they are all for Windows (whoops, just contradicted myself), but most are probably for other systems as well. I wouldn't know or care. Maybe one day I will make this organized and have them all categorized. Enough words.
Music notation program. Finale Notepad is the free version, which is highly functional and never expires. The pay-for-it versions are a little nicer, but free is great too.
The best audio conversion program I've ever found. This is not a link to the official website, but an older version, because the newer versions expire. It is originally from NCH Software.
Apache server with MySQL, PHP, and Perl. And it WORKS!!
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Quite a nice collection I have, if I do say so myself.
The one thing I can't find is a free video editor that doesn't suck. You should find one. And then, you should send an email on the contact page.\
DRM stands for Don't Buy Music Online. Ok, that would be DBMO, not DRM, but that's what it should stand for.
"
}
//tennis racquets
function bronzeace(){
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Bronze ace This is probably the best racquet that has ever been devised by man. From personal experience, I can attest that it holds magical powers. The best way to use the bronze ace is to practice with it, and because it is so old, you will be ten times better when you use your normal racquet again. (Unless you normally use a wooden racquet.) The Bronze Ace was manufactured by Pro-Kennex. They also made several other 'Aces,' including the Gold, Silver, Copper, Titanium (lame), and Black Ace. All of these pale in comparison to the bravery of the Bronze Ace.
";
}
function princetour(){
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Prince O3 Hybrid Tour Well, this is a pretty good racquet, but I don't know why, because all they did is basically put some holes in the frame. Some of the other 03 hybrids have the holes on the top and bottom of the racquet, but this one has the holes on the sides.
";
}
function headix3(){
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Head Intelligence X 3 This one's pretty head-heavy, so you get a lot of power from it. However, it's kind of cumbersome sometimes because the frame is so thick and the head is large. The shock absorber it comes with is really nice though.
";
}
function princeorange(){
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Prince O3 Orange I'm pretty sure it looks red, not orange, but that's not my problem.
";
}
function prgreen(){
document.getElementById('innercontent').innerHTML="
Peks R Green That's not the real name, but we had to think of something, because it doesn't say anything on the racquet.
For this racquet we actually have an interview with the owner! Here it is:
My racquet is cool. What's about my racquet? Anything is about my racquet. My racquet can be any cooler than anybody else's. (Is that all?) Yes.
";
}
//audio
function audio(){
document.getElementById('content').innerHTML="Audio
Featured:
Symposium of Doom
Sound effects:
Chopping sound
Wookie scream
Rip
Other audio:
Weird elephant-screaming thing - (very loud)
People growling
Evening Home With the Guise
You can go to other parts of this website while listening to audio, except for the site map and contact.
If you're using the Windows Media Player plugin, I highly recommend pressing the fast-forward button, especially on the Elephant thing. It sounds sweet.
"
document.title="Spoketire - Audio"
ms()
}
var songname
var player
function symp(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Symposium of Doom"
embed('sympovo.wav')
}
function growling(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Growling people"
embed('argh.wav')
}
function chop(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Chopping sound"
embed('choparmoff.wav')
}
function weird(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Weird elephant thing (?)"
embed('coolg.wav')
}
function squash(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Ripping sound"
embed('squashrip.wav')
}
function wookie(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Wookie scream"
embed('wookie.wav')
}
function evening(){
if(document.getElementById('playercontainer')==null)
createPlayer()
songname.innerHTML="Evening Home With the Guise"
embed('eveninghome2.wav')
}
function createPlayer(){
document.body.innerHTML+="
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}
function loadCheck(prev){
if(window.location.search.substring(1)!="e"){
window.location = "index.html?"+prev
}
}